i’d like to stop time and tell you goodbye
i’d like to go back to let you go
i still can’t take my mind off of you

i’m at that restless place at night
where i eulogize you
and bury the name of a dead man
deep into my heart
the skin has healed over since
the ventricles pump fine
but you left marks
i made sure of that

you were walks in parks
and leaves falling from trees
you were cold winters
and stiff beds
and closeness
and a love story
and us against the world
and you were beautiful

now you are sunspots
i earned you from flying too close
and staring directly at the sun
just as it hit an eclipse
now when i see something beautiful
it is always dotted
by these black caverns
which i know will eventually
swallow my vision whole

i punished myself
and broke another person in the process
my self-discovery
came at the expense of someone elses’
forgiveness is never going to come
and that’s fine

but i see you in everyone
i see your laughing face in everyone
i see your crinkled eyes and open mouth
everywhere

i do not miss you
but i wish you were still around
somehow
and i hope you never think about me
but i wish you did
somehow

to love you now
is to leave you alone
to love you now
is to leave you alone

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